oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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