he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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