Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize