got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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