im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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