she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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