its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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