i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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