If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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