You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize