Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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