I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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