Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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