haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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