Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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