After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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