Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize