After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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