I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize