ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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