They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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