my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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