she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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