i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
