i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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