We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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