Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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