Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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