There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
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Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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