i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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