So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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