i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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