I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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