it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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