Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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