Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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