hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize