Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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