he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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