I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
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Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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