So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
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My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
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i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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