You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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