hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize