Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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