In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize