Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86084) Bad night (8380)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  only room for one pussy in that bed.

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  (262): When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy. (612): only room for one pussy in that bed. http://tfl.nu/8gho
  Replies (9) Good night (725) Bad night (2241)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket

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  (215): I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket http://tfl.nu/8xo3
  Replies (11) Good night (3661) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.

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  (315): You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter. http://tfl.nu/a7op
  Replies (26) Good night (4238) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

  (214): View more from Texas

  round 2?

  (972): View more from Texas

  EVER.

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  (972): you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again. (214): round 2? (972): EVER. http://tfl.nu/6p06
  Replies (10) Good night (992) Bad night (3471)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.

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  (910): she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar. http://tfl.nu/ez5w
  Replies (26) Good night (3641) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  tequila makes me forget i have legs

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  (250): tequila makes me forget i have legs http://tfl.nu/9rzk
  Replies (25) Good night (5985) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket

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  (267): It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket http://tfl.nu/ws2m
  Replies (8) Good night (638) Bad night (1673) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.

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  (303): I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us. http://tfl.nu/59u4
  Replies (8) Good night (1735) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
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  (283): View more from Ohio

  by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?

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  (283): by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours? http://tfl.nu/2a7f
  Replies (6) Good night (1826) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.

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  (408): He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend. http://tfl.nu/9uge
  Replies (3) Good night (463) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.

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  (818): Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors. http://tfl.nu/xlbe
  Replies (4) Good night (924) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.

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  (706): Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed. http://tfl.nu/1l89
  Replies (5) Good night (967) Bad night (193) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.

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  (250): Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'. http://tfl.nu/ziub
  Replies (5) Good night (554) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.

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  (251): You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick. http://tfl.nu/r3wg
  Replies (3) Good night (505) Bad night (211) Order T-Shirt

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