I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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