He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
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judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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