i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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