Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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