Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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