He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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