I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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