Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
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Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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